open adoption + becoming “real parents”- part 1
what is open adoption? this is usually one of the first questions a family member or friend asks when we tell them that we are waiting to adopt in an open adoption.
“Open adoption simply means that the birth parents have the opportunity to participate fully in their adoption plan, including: selecting the parents they believe to be best for their child; meeting, interviewing and getting to know the adoptive parents; sharing information with the adoptive parents; spending time with the baby while in the hospital; deciding whether or not to have ongoing contact with the adoptive family and child; and, negotiating the type of ongoing contact desired, such as letters, pictures or visits. We offer guidance and support in helping adoptive parents and birth parents establish a relationship and determine what kind of contact is best for everyone involved.
Not all birth parents feel comfortable having contact with the adoptive parents after they have selected them. Whether or not the birth parents or adoptive parents will have contact after the birth is up to the parties involved.” (adoption choices of northern california)
what does all of that mean? a woman that is pregnant and has made the decision to put her child up for adoption will get to take home a profile of each waiting family in the adoption program. the profiles were put together by the waiting couples, and they consist of pictures of that couple and their family and friends and that couple’s “story” (how they met, what their lives are like together). right now there are 11 couples waiting, with their hearts on their sleeves, to adopt and grow their family. this woman may be between the ages of 15-40 years old, but contrary to widespread beliefs, she is not always a teenager. i think many people would be surprised to discover that many of them are women in their 20s-30s that are just not ready to start a family yet, or waited too long to make a decision and termination is no longer an option, or have made the decision that they cant afford more children or women that are just about to begin their careers or are mid career and the timing is just not right. these are just a few reasons that birthmoms turn to adoption.
they are not all unwed teenagers. i just wanted to clear that up because i have had no less than 10 friends and family members make that assumption and its incorrect.
the birthmoms (pregnant women that are putting their babies up for adoption) get counseling and support while they figure out whether this is the right program for them and continue to have counseling and support while they are in the program, even after the birth if it is wanted and needed.
let me just stop here and say this, a woman that is pregnant and elects to put her baby up for adoption is referred to as a birthmom. once we adopt she will be referred to as either the birthmom or the tummy mommy as we tell our young child all about his or her adoption story and how we became a family. please do not refer to her as “your baby’s real mommy” or the “actual mom” or a “special aunt”. thats why we are adopting a child, to become “real parents” and just because our child does not have our blood, my skin color or wavy hair or daniels hazel eyes does not make him or her any less our real child.
Comments 1
i love rainbows, brian draws a dang good unicorn, have we rubbed off enough on you two to have them coming from your nose? just saying…you will be awesome parents some day! thanks for the post/ rant jack!! xo Mary
Posted 02 May 2011 at 8:01 pm ¶Post a Comment